We never develop companionship with our children even when they are around the age of sixteen— the age that requires friendly attitude.
We expect a lot from them and these multiplying expectations prevent us from being real friends to them – the kind of friends they cherish and long for.
It is all on account of these expectations that we tend to have a criticizing attitude towards them, of course for their betterment and bright future. And in the process we begin to nourish a notion that we should go on keeping them alert so that they may come up to our expectations.
Our behavior towards them, therefore, becomes stern and strict. Feeling of closeness fades away and that of obedience overpowers. They begin to lose their confidence. Instead, if before imposing our expectations we discuss the whole matter with them, and try to give them free will, they will gain confidence and try to improve upon their performance on their own. That way they will ultimately emerge as worthy members of the family and the nation.
I am reminded of an incident. A friend of mine told me that once when he was a little child; he accidentally broke some valuable possession of his father. While he was thinking of a way to conceal the episode, his father happened to barge in. For my friend, it was as if the skies had fallen. His mother instantly began lamenting about how he was always incurring some loss or the other on the household but his father said, “My son never makes mistakes and he has not broken it intentionally. Anybody could commit an error. He is perfect in many other things. It is immaterial if he faltered in one. As opposed to a hundred virtues, does one imperfection matter?”
My friend today says, “This event brought a dramatic change in my life and I have always strived to be worthy of my father’s praise ever since. I don’t recall havingbroken anything after that day. I’ve exercised great care and caution in everything I performed. With all my heart, I started enjoying and reciprocating my father’s friendship.”
So we have to start being the true friend that every child wants in his or her life. We need to try and give the children the right kind of responses that will ensure the blossoming of their personality and lead them on the path to success. And see : friendship is different from pampering.
The latter never has good results while the former never has bad ones. But at times even this pampering is panacea, nay, a life saving drug. Still, we cannot ignore the punitive measures all together, even those become essential at times. And deterrence is one such measure. But the very foundation of our behaviour, particularly towards the child, is love, love and love.
TO REMEMBER AND DO
1. Never be too rigid towards the kids.
2. By loving children, you safeguard your own as well as their future.
3. While dealing with children, come forward with patience, tolerance and a big smile.